hi there. its super late and i need to sleep but i really need to blog. last week chin nam left his leather jacket in the car that we rented and i went there this morning (20mins walk!) to collect it. and when i received it, i placed it near my nose and inhale and omgoshhh its his smell! i always thought, you know, all these are overrated. but the moment i smelt his scent tears just welled up in my eyes and vision was blurry and my mind was in a mess. and for the next few hours, his scent became my drug. had to sniff it every now and then to keep me sane. but it was really sad for me too. and one moment, i was thinking this must be how it feels like to have some passed away and how we live through their scents in their belongings (i know its super exaggerated). but yea this morning was emotional for me.
i dont know what made farewell this time difficult. maybe its because i know its gonna be quite a while till i see him again. and when i walked back home, i could just feel how difficult it is to carry on this whole distance thing again. i just want this all to end. and tonight i was watching ps i love you and gah i was feeling everything again and was just thinking how its what i feel now. lol. just reminiscing on the past and how the memories keeps me going and how difficult it is to not have someone you love be by yourside. lol its not too serious lah haha but ya..
and also how i dont think people understand what i m feeling. the responds i ve had so far when i mentioned chin nam left last sunday were all ‘whoa so fast?’ and i ll usually respond with ‘ya i know’ and thats that! the end. people dont ask how i feel. lol but all i m feeling inside is, argh yes i know you dont have to tell me, i miss him so much but i m not seeing him again anytime soon and i dont know what to do.
so yeah. thats how i feel. i wish i could have at least someone to talk to about this but i know not many are in similar position who are willing to share also. so as i always say, people in LDR always suffer in silence lol. but honestly i m mostly in a very thankful mood and also we resumed our usual way of communication now which is skyping + whatsapping so its back to our usual routine. but its still sad haha. hm anyway ok lol thats all for my ranting :)
keili
